FEEDING THE MIND | Shrink Yourself

FEEDING THE MIND

FRIDAY, MARCH 05, 2010 | POSTED BY DR. GOULD

I’m going to use this blog each week to tell, and retell, just one simple story, and that is how the mind feeds itself on food. Here’s the first version.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, a patient said to me, “You know, there are good food days and bad food days.” As usual, I asked the obvious question. “What’s the difference?”
“Well, on good food days, I know exactly what to eat, and I enjoy eating healthy. Not too much, but enough to feel satisfied, and I don’t feel guilty.”

And bad food days? “That’s when I don’t want to do that. I want my reward. I am too stressed out.”

So, you know how to eat healthy and you can enjoy it but some days you just don’t want to do it, and on those days you are feeding your mind, not your body. “Yes, I am feeding myself a drug.”

That’s the beginning of everyone’s story who has trouble controlling their weight. On certain days you are convinced that you have to feed your mind, and you feel like you don’t have any choice about it (powerless), and in fact, you want to do it even though you know, quite well, you will beat yourself up for doing it within hours.

My patient actually had 30 good food days in a row before a bad day just appeared, for no apparent reason. For 30 days her husband of two decades was treating her surprisingly well and she thought that finally all the work they did together was paying off.

She didn't know why she was having a few bad food days. Everything was going so well, wasn't it? Yes, they were but she didn't want to see some early warning signs that his mood was changing. She wanted to stay in her bubble a little longer. Feeding her mind helped her do that.

Her bad eating days kept her preoccupied with food and guilt and kept her from seeing the pieces of reality that she did not want to deal with. Because she didn’t want to see the early warning signs of his mood change, she didn’t do what she needed to do to avoid a blowup, and when it came, she felt furious and betrayed. She paid a big price for her short-term reprieve from reality.

That’s the first version of how the mind feeds on food. When you want to deny or avoid an uncomfortable reality, you can temporarily shut down the most intelligent part of your mind, by feeding yourself food, and staying preoccupied with the guilt about eating too much. It works, but it costs a lot.

It took my patient quite a while to realize that her anger at being betrayed by his mood change should not be totally directed at him. She was the one who was trying to live inside the illusion that all the ups and downs in the relationship had magically gone away. She was the one who didn’t want to have to live with the complexity of human relationships. She was the one who might have managed the changing mood, if she would let herself acknowledge it, and might have avoided the blowup altogether.

If she didn’t dull her considerable intelligence by feeding her mind, her life would work a lot easier, and she wouldn’t have to store her anger in her fat cells.

That’s version one. As we go on you will see that feeding your mind with food serves many purposes and they all are very costly. Feed your body well. But when you feed your mind, it should be with rich thought, not with food.

17 Comments In the order they were posted.

Anon said...

Wow, that's quite harsh blog there Dr Gould - it may be reality but for someone who's at the beginning at tackling there EE journey it's rather offputting, very parent-child, reminds me of my parents telling me off for over-eating when I was little

keri said...

The description is SO TRUE!! eating does numb the mind and take away the pain of thinking.

SueR said...

The question is, how do we deal with the things we're trying to avoid instead of eating? Uncomfortable feelings prompt me to eat, I recognize that.

Terri said...

This is so true! I have battled the whole food thing for so many years and I really believe Dr. Gould has the answer - food does not solve any of our problems. Eating does not make them go away. When we wake up from our food trance, the problems are still there. We have the power within ourselves to face our problems head on, but we just are not used to doing that. We have to know that we CAN!! We are so much stronger than we think we are. Reading Dr. Gould's book has really opened up my perspective and changed the whole way I look at food and my eating patterns.

Denise said...

I really liked this honest approach to the mind and denial and hiding from reality. When I first read SY, I wasn't at the place where I had come to terms with all of my denials and often found myself in the *food trance* or looking for ways to eat. I remember getting so upset with my friend for pointing out items in the different chapters to help me realize what I was doing, or what I wasn't doing! Just because *I* wasn't ready to acknowledge or accept the information, didn't change the reality, the honesty, of the information. After two years of studying emotional eating, I have to say that I am thankful for your honest and insightful exploration of the mind and how we can take back our power. Thank you and continue sharing your insights.

Barbie M said...

Dr. Gould, thank you for loving me so much that you tell me the truth I need to hear. I put a lot of energy into controlling circumstances so uncomfortable emotions don't flare up. Avoidance behavior, not intentional behavior that opens doors for my life to walk through. Better for me to show up than to hide behind food.

betsy said...

I understand that I eat to avoid emotions that need to be dealt with. When I eat into oblivion there is something real underneath that I am using energy to cover up. The problem is, I dont know what the emotion is! what are some ways I/we can recognize exactly what emotion is making me eat eat eat? then can you give us examples of more constructive ways of dealing with them? side note: i am a student, thus i spend most of my time writing. i am always told to journal to discover the emotion i am hiding, but quite frankly i get sick of spending all my time typing, please offer other options. thank you!

Megan said...

In regards to SueR's post: How do we deal with what we are trying to avoid? Well, what are we trying to avoid and why are we avoiding it? Why don't we allow ourselves to feel, think and search for a solution? Denial, avoidance and using food is easy but gets us nowhere and is so painful. We should work to find better coping skills and face life head on. It seems so much easier than carrying all that avoidance, denial, frustration, disappointment, guilt and weight around.

Jenny said...

I found this very interesting - trying not to sound too big-headed I am very intelligent and it annoys me that I keep ignoring the obvious truth that calories consumed versus calories burnt is the fundamental principle of weight. It's interesting to see that I am bypassing that bit of my brain to binge eat. What I'd like to know is how to stop it!

Rick T said...

Dr. Gould is right on target. How do you stop Emotional Eating EE? Read the book "Shrink Yourself" and/or subscribe to the online service and do the exercises. This is some of the hardest and most painful work I've ever done, but I'm finally experiencing freedom from EE and understanding.

Ronnie said...

I'm feeding my mind junk food to quiet the voice inside me that says "if you get skinny" you can leave this unfulfilling relationship- if you stay fat-you have to stay here. Why do I want to stay fat, and stay in an un-fulfilling relationship??? Does anybody know?

Natalie said...

LOTS of things numb the mind and stop us facing reailty - love does this. Is Dr G suggesting we don't allow ourselves to fall in love, because the intelligent part of our brain will be shut down and blinded to reality - we stay in a bubble? I'm serious...

Les said...

To answer Natalie, the trance/distraction of being in love doesn't make us overweight. The trance/distraction of food does. That's the difference.

Sarah said...

Wow great article. I completely relate and wish I could change so that when this sort of thing happens to me I could stop my own destructive ways. I don't think I'll evre change. Food controls me.

Gen said...

Thanks, Dr G, for all your helpful advice. I do exactly this good day/bad day thing. Mostly, my 'bad days' fall on week-ends, or when there is a special occasion. On those 'bad days', having been 'good' all the days in between, I binge like crazy, never eat in moderation, undoing all the good I've done on all my 'good days'. It's hard for me to realise why I do this. Maybe it's to reward myself for all the effort i put in on the 'good days'? How to change this awful habit?

Little Pineapple said...

it's good to know that I'm not the only one who can go what seems like for ever and than BOOM all of the sudden have a bad binge period and really not knowing where it came from. One has to become more aware... @Anon, the first poster: this is Dr G's way of bringing us to face the truth/reality! And it's not really a harsh tone, it's straightforward, no if's no but's. It might feel uncomfortable to you because this is the issue you've been trying to ignore...

lm said...

You know, I'm fine with the concept that we have to learn alternative ways to manage our *own* moods other than with food. I'm slightly put off, however, by the piece's suggestion that the wife also has responsibility to manage the *husband's* mood, in order to avoid her own overeating. If she has the responsibility to manage her own moods, why does the author not seem to feel the husband has the commensurate responsibility to manage his? After all, it's *his* mood change ...